Reflections

Though my eyes may fail me
I will follow after You
Though You promise seems forsaken
Ill remember the worlds in Your hands
Youll find me singing


You are unfailing God
Your loves unending
And Your word is eternal
Firm in the heavens its stands

Though sorrows my condition
And pain holds back no blow
Though this be my darkest hour
Your lamp is leading me home
Youll find me singing

You are unfailing God

Your loves unending
And Your word is eternal
Firm in the heavens its stands


Eyes cant see but I feel You near
I know Youre working through my tears
I trust You Lord I trust You for You never walk away

You are unfailing God

Your loves unending
And Your word is eternal
Firm in the heavens its stands

Unfailing God
Unfailing God
Your Love is unending

You are unfailing God
Your love's unending
And Your word is eternal
Firm in the heavens it stands


It's the end of the school holidays, and come to think of it, I haven't really been a very good time manager. The breakthrough that I have been hoping for ever since 2 posts ago never came. I also haven't been doing a lot of QT these days, and after doing it this morning I felt super refreshed. It is a great feeling to know that the new term's going to start on a high for me.

However this holiays were not as smoothful as you may think. Imagine a warehouse, where all the things are kept. That warehouse represents my life at that time. Now this warehouse is not an ordinary warehouse, the goods on all the shelves are placed in the wrong sections. For example a box coded Z is put under A and not Z. In other words my life was pretty messed up, with all the things going in the wrong places. I was really upset and angry with God and I lost it. I lost the faith. I lost the hunger for more. But soon after that some things cleared up, and things became a little better. It was not until yesterday's service that God touched me the most, with this song. God is unfailing, His love is unending and it is firm. It cannot be changed by anyone or anything. If you were to watch the video on the right it tells a really touching history of the song 'Overcome' by New Life Church. It complements the fact that God is really unfailing, and His Love is eternal.

Reflecting on this June Holidays it has been a good break from school and the Bali trip was really one of the most awesome ever. Something I would like to mention is Mariokart, the most (K)ompetitive game ever, with 7 to 8 [human] players (Really, everyone got hit by the same blue shell). Yea, there are cases that people get fed up with their performance and DC (disconnect). I will emphasize on two points here. Firstly, winning isn't everything. Yea, you may think it is easy for me to say that since I usually perform well. But remember, like everyone else, no one is perfect. I also have my bad performances too. If you're from 2A and went to Bali and was among the people playing Mariokart you would remember on the fourth day before lunch we played Rainbow Road. That was my extremely poor performance. I blew my engine at the start and fell off the track (at least) 3 times. Even if I came in one of the last it was still enjoyable. I could never forget the experience. But as I say winning isn't everything. Like some people's philosophy is that you compete to win (No mentioning names). I tell you that this is not the case. Why did people invent games in the first place? To win? Obvoiusly not! In a similiar situation, what makes you feel happier, having good grades but you know you cheated during that exam, or getting not-so-good grades and reside in the fact that your integrity is intact and that you have tried your best? Unless you don't have a conscience I hope the answer is the latter. Similiarly it's not always about winning.

Even as I am saying this now there is something heavy that I have to say. Many times I can also fall victim to this 'winning-is-everything' philosophy and sometimes play ugly to get the top few (like 'bonk'ing people off the track). I know bonk-ing is not really illegal or anything, but when I came back home and reflected on what I did on many occasions, believe it or not that was under my classification of "playing ugly". I apologize for that. Sometimes I really get fed up with the must-win attitude people, which is different from people that are hungry to win. In other words the hungry-to-win people are not actually hungry to win, they use winning as a form of motivation to spur them to play well. There is a difference. Sometimes the must-win people can also turn out to be me, unknowingly. Playing ugly is a symptom. I feel that unless I correct myself of this mistake, I am in no position to stand here and fulfill God's calling for me to be a leader.

I would also want to make a public statement of my faith. Yes, that means I'm getitng baptized. This is a public invitation to all of my friends to come and be a witness to my proclamaiton. The service will be on 11 July, 2.30pm at Riverlife Church, 6 Loyang Besar Close. It is a Sunday. I reallt hope that you are able to come and that I can share this joyous occasion with you.

God bless.

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori

My name is Winston Smith. I am a British soldier embroiled in the tumult of World War 2. It is a funny feeling to know that, if you go to war, chances are that you would never make it back. The saying goes: Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori - It is sweet and right to die for your country. But things I have seen in the course of the war so far has changed my perspective: intimidating cannons, intense gunfire and poisonous gas. I doubt if I would survive today. 


These morbid thoughts rush through my mind. I shake them off. No time for self-pity. No time for regret. I'm in a helicopter, ready to parachute right into the raging battle below. I can hear the thundering booms of heavy artillery. Tightening my shoulder straps, a comforting hand rests on my shoulder. It's my lifelong friend, James Williams. We are as close as brothers, going through thick and thin. He gives me a reassuring, if weary, smile. Neither of us is looking forward to this. I return his smile and embrace him, then walk towards the gaping opening at the side of the helicopter. Our captain, a hard, uncompassionate man by the name of Evan Johnson glares at me and gestures at us to get moving. That man is in charge of a squad of a dozen crack troops and is well suited for the task. He never seemed to care for his troops a single bit, waking us up at 5 in the morning just to do a million push-ups. I detested him. He stood by the side, as rigid and dispassionate as a statue, as I jump out of the helicopter.


As i plummet downwards, I feel adrenaline rush through me. The wind stings my eyes as I plunge into the fiery hell that lay below. I pull at my parachute strap and my parachute opens. As I approach the ground, I hear the sounds of live artillery, men screaming, explosives defonating. I focus on my mission, pushing all thoughts aside. Here, only the strongest survive. 


As soon as i touch the ground, I severe my parachute straps and dive for the nearest trenches. The trenches were full of mud and corpses, and I feel like regurgitating my breakfast. I huddle down with my rifle. Around me, bullets whizz past and grenades explode. Shrieks of the wounded and dying fill the air. I glance around at the soldiers around me and look at their weary, frightened countenances. This is not what the recruiting officers had told us. There is no such thing as glory in war. 


"Winston!" Somebody suddenly tumbles into the trench. It is James. 


"This place is a mess," James yelled over the clatter of machine guns. I nod, unable to speak. My throat is parched. There is a ear-splitting explosion, followed by a scream. I turn to look. I wish I hadn't. A soldier has been blown to bits by a grenade. I turn away, bile rising in my throat. 


I raise my head to look over to enemy territory. Barbed wire everywhere in the no-man's land. Shells whistle and hit the ground, causing clouds of dust to appear. I am certain that there are mines there too. I grit my teeth and swallowed in trepidation. 


"Winston!" James hollers. I trudge over, boots sloshing in the quagmire. "We attack the enemy position in three minutes!"


"That's crazy! They've got machine guns and artillery! Who's the idiot that commanded this?!" I exclaim in disbelief. 


"I don't know! We'll be slaughtered!" James sighs wearily. 


I look at him and he at me. We embrace again. 


"Remember our oath: look out for each other, and we might just survive." James mutter


"After all, if we die we die for our country." James smiles faintly. Ah yes, dulce et decorum est pro patria  mori. 


That will be the longest three minutes of my life. These just could be my last. A whistle blows. War cries holler, shots being fired. Rifles being raised. Prayers being made. Teeth clenched, knees shaking, I pull myself out of the trench and advance towards death. 


The route is horrible and bloody. Soldiers being torn apart by bullets and blown to bits by mortars. I raise my rifle and fire several shots, rewarded by the sight of an enemy falling. No remorse, no guilt. Only weariness, anger and pain. I advance past bodies, past mines, past grenades, with James by my side. 


A black object flies past. A grenade. James doesn't see it. It would be too late if he does. I make a heroic decision in that split second. I dive and push him out of the way. A searing pain shoots through my legs as the grenade detonates. I lie on the ground, badly wounded. James is fine. He stands up, locking eyes with mine. He will make good his side of his promise, wouldn't he? He looked at me. He turned and ran on. 


Disbelief courses through me. That must have been a hallucination! He will not abandon me. I stare numbly at two charred stumps: what was supposed to be my legs. But it is true. He abandoned me to die. I watch him run, I watch him get shot. His body jerks and spasm. I watched him fall to his knees, as though in prayer. I watch him die. Hot tears blur my vision. Impossible. Him. Dead. I start to weep for a person who I thought was my friend. I want to die. 


Someone scoops me up. Captain Evan Johnson. I'm just totally puzzled. Covered in blood, he limps with me in his arms back to the trenches. Nearly there. Ten metres. Five. Three. He suddenly jerks and his body goes rigid. He collapses, and starts to cough out blood. The bullet lodged in his chest. He looks at me wearily, the coldness in this stare gone. He wheezes. 


"Why... Why did you save me?" I blubber. 


"An officer... always looks out... for his men... lad... You... have your life ahead of you... Use... use it wisely... it is a gift... From me to you... Remember... the fallen..."  


With that he shoves me into the trench. I will never forget his words. His unfocused, calm eyes as his head hits the ground, unconscious. Evan Johnson, had died. 


I started weeping. I started weeping for James. I started weeping for Captain Johnson. I started weeping for all the soldiers, giving their lives for a senseless dispute. A medic comes up to me. I will live, but the memories of the horrible war that will eventually claim millions of lives will leave me emotionally dead. Dead on the battlefield. 


It was a lie: Dulce et decorum est, pro patria mori. Where was the sweetness in killing?


I would live, but I had died. 

-Joel Lee

Kudos to Joel for writing this essay (Yes that was the highest in class). After learning more about this type of thing, I fully realise the bad stuff about wars. Before this I always thought war was sorta like something like for fun, like a game of Halo or some sort. However history has proven time and again that revenge does not solve all problems, it just makes them worse, and sadly, thickens out history books. 

Breakthrough

Personally I never felt that this was going to happen after all the stuff that's been happening to me, like the mindsets of people are rapidly changing, lots of stuff going on, I guess this can be considered a breakthrough for me in this area.

When I brought a friend to church last year (No mentioning names :) ) I didnt expect all of this stuff to happen, like he went for camp, got hyped and well, that was that. I soon became extremely saddened to see such a huge fire get extinguished all of a sudden. The desperation, the fire to please God, was gone. Just died.

Months passed, and his condition deteriorated week after week after week. I couldn't bear with it anymore, it was just so heartbreaking to see such a fine young person with the passion lose his fire after such a short time. I wanted to give up. Thing started happening, and I was already going to make up my mind.

Then my breakthrough came. He dropped me a message  saying how bad he felt over what he had been doing over the past months and that his parents allowed him to come back to church again. I was happy, no, more than happy to hear that! My breakthrough had finally come just 3 days ago.

Bad Day...

Sigh, i think today i had a really bad day, looking back at what's happened i wonder what will follow. Due to many intriguing issues/disappointments this has been one of my worse days of the year. Even though today was supposed to be an EXCELLENT and AWESOME day it proved otherwise. Just ask Jon, Nat and Nicole. Hahaha :) please keep me in prayer as i try and sort out the funny stuff that's happening now ;) thanks :)

Once again I want to give a really big THANK YOU for all the support you've been giving through the duration of this blog. :DD

Regards
Caleby

Sigh, it's been almost a month I've posted...

Well since i'm here might as well post something that came to my mind quite recently that someone said. It really cleared up some of my frustrations to why people just can't say "yes" to coming to church. Here's what he said:

"I'm not sure how well this would turn out, like if your friends invited you to their mosque or temple etc etc you wouldn't go right?"

I felt that it really cleared up a lot of my frustrations to why people just don't want to come to church. Technical reasons aside, all we need to have is faith...

Current thoughts

Hello everyone for the third time today :) After quite a long time i visited my blog to see how the tags and everything is coming along. Usually there will be a tag per month but this time has been exceptionally high on the number of tags. To me spreading God's word is not alone a type of ministry, but a duty to Him. Revival is here, and the time has come to stand for all we believe in, so I for one am going to give my praise to YOU! 


Once again I thank everyone for their support and affirmation as we all enter spiritual warfare. Hey, Christians need encouragement too :)

21 Days of Prayer

Thinking through, What to do

You're searching every angle

and point of view

Good advice, well rehearsed

Only seems to make matters worse...

When you're at a dead end

Where can you go?

My friend

There's an answer I know

Pray, when the road is steep

Pray, when your hope gets weak

Know the Father hears through

The silence and the tears,

Pray, when you don't know how

Pray, heaven's waiting now

And Jesus is just a breath away...

Pray, for the strength you're needing

To go on believing

No matter what you face,

You have the wisdom and the grace, to

Pray, when the road is steep

Pray, when your hope gets weak

Know the Father hears through

The silence and the tears,

you...

Pray, when you don't know how

Pray, heaven's waiting now

And Jesus is just a breath away...

Pray. 

Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and unsearchable things you do not know. Jeremiah 33:3

The 21 DOP is a 3 week prayer campaign in which we call unto the Lord and let Him lead the way. To be honest, I didn't really survive after the 1st week. Really a disappointment to myself, as i thought i could make it for at least 2 weeks. I want to pray, but somehow time is an issue, when there is no warning when someone interrupts my chain of thoughts. I better start praying. Jesus is just a breath away.