Trust. Obedience. Surrender

9.45pm, I heaved a sigh, They were not going off yet. After cell most of my cell members were waiting for their parents at the pick up point. I had to walk out to the neighbouring carpark. I looked around. No one to walk out with. I couldn't wait anymore, didn't want to anger my mum again, after what happened the last time. As I started walking, something told me to walk slower, for some reason. I slowed. Additionally I took the long way, weaving through the illegally (or so I thought) parked cars on the little lane. Because I walked so slowly I braced myself for a practical joke from behind, I hoped for it, someone to walk out with. But none came. It really is a pain to walk out alone and no one to talk with. I looked up into the night sky, only a star in sight. It was not very bright. I told God in my head, "God, if it's your will, take everything away from me. If it's your will, take her away from me. Take my relationships away from me, take everything that is ungodly away from me."


Wait, hold it a second!

Did I just say that?!

I thwacked myself on the head. What have I just said??! Tatarsauce, I could never do well with all that stuff mentioned earlier. Never. Something's gotten into me.

But, thinking back, I realised that there's lots of stuff in my life that's not doing well. It has been so hard to come to this point. Like everything's so uncertain, it's so hard to let go of anything, let alone everything. It's so hard to trust God with lots of stuff that I hold dear in my life. Like what Dr Corne Bekker had said, if he was a person in the Bible, the Bible will be much longer than it is today. Same goes for me, if God were to tell me to go somewhere for Him, I will not unless I know what I'm going to do, or what's going to happen. But things don't work that way. God doesn't want just 90%, or even 99%, He wants 100%.

Sometimes I wonder how to live my life, of course, I screw up every now and then, and it's making things really hard for me. One day I picked up a St Hilda's Primary newsletter lying around. After reading through and seeing what accomplishments they have,  something caught my eye. It wasn't exactly the most attention-seeking thing, it was rather in super small font. It said,


Love Sincerely. Serve Humbly. Learn Continuously. Lead Wisely. Live Responsibly.

I guess it's taken too long for me to realise what these values meant. It's been 2 years (coming 3) since I've left primary school, and it's only now that I feel the full meaning behind it. Its values. Values of Christ. Yes, before I continue I have to confess, that even though I've been seeing this for 3 years on end in primary school I still struggle with some of these things a lot, honestly.

Love Sincerely.
I guess as followers of Christ we all should love our neighbours sincerely. Jesus said, "Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 19:19) I'm certain that this is what God wants us to do, as the most basic thing, is to love our neighbours as ourselves. Earlier he said, "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Our love should resemble that of Christ. We are the salt of the earth and a city on a hill. Salt gives taste while a city on a hill gives light. We are sent into the world, to find the lost through the power of God. If we cannot love sincerely we are losing our saltiness and dimming our lights, to put it bluntly.


Serve Humbly.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. .... The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth" (John 1:1, 14) I find this rather astonishing, but like it or not Jesus set this example for us, and we are to follow. No doubt Jesus is the king, but he did not come to be served, but to serve. One well-known example is that he washed his disciples' feet. In those days the roads were not like those today, covered in concrete. Then, the roads were dusty, like those dirt roads. Whenever someone comes the first thing for the host of the house to do is to send someone to wash the visitors' feet. It was a dirty job, no doubt. Jesus washed his disciples' feet, and after that he told the others to do the same. This meant that we are supposed to serve other people, and not to be served.

Learn Continuously.
Sometimes when I study I have really really negative attitudes towards subjects that I resent. I slack of on these subjects, even though the exams are in like 4 days I'm still like that. But I guess it's a conviction of this extremely negative attitude of mine.

Lead Wisely
I guess leadership is not really at all a bed of roses, rather a bed of roses... with thorns. Being the leader for 10 weeks had taken its toll on my not-so-strong will. Today I still find that I have a calling to lead, but I have the calling too to step up on my ministry. I have this plan, to form a gospel band in vjc next year, and I commit all this into the Lord's hands. A leader is supposed to guide his followers onto the path of righteousness. I will do what it takes.

Live responsibly
"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." (1 Corinthians 19-20 ) I guess one thing we have to do with ourselves, our physical selves is not to abuse it but to take care of it, because the Holy Spirit resides in it. We are commanded to take care of ourselves.